Fall Break Nightmare Part Two

The priesthood blessing I got was to me at this point more important than taking my pain medicine. I can't even count how many priesthood blessings I've had since I was first diagnosed with cancer. I might not be the most humble or the most righteous young adult, but when it comes to my faith I believe in priesthood blessings 100%. Sometimes I wonder what shape and condition I would be in if I hadn't had a priesthood blessing. It's not a cure, but it is so comforting to know that God will take care of little ol' me! 

This was one of the worst times to be in so much pain. I was supposed to take two major test for two of my classes the one week I didn't go to school. I never wanted to miss school and here I was in an awful situation. I wish I could say "ok, since I can't go to class I might as well study for my tests that I am missing". Unfortunately I wasn't even in that good of a situation. All week I was complaining about my pain, asleep because of my drugs knocked me out, and debating whether I should drop out of school. You could say I was stressed out without even studying. 

I couldn't believe this was happening, again! Before my classes started for the week I made sure to contact and e-mail my professors. I wasn't too worried about missing my English classes, because I could write an essay before they were due, no problem! When it came to my archaeology and biology anthropology class, I was in a deep whole. I was missing a week of class time that consisted of major note taking information right before the tests I was going to miss and I was going to miss precious time to study for those tests, not to mention these classes were my hardest classes I have this semester. I was very lucky with the professors that I had. They let me make-up the tests that I missed, but didn't give me really any time to study. My scores came in really low, but it was better to try than to not take it at all. It was an extremely stressful time for me. 

When I explained to my English professors why I would be missing from class, they went far off and beyond what I expected!  One professor made sure to let me know that I can come back when I am ready, and if I needed to turn my future assignments in electronically than I could do that. My other English professor pulled me into her office after class and asked me how I was doing and told me " just consider me your mom away from home" she wasn't acting as a teacher she just wanted to make sure that I was taken care of. It was so comforting to know that. I'm sure my mom would appreciate that as well! 

This experience was a wake up call when it came to my priorities. Even though I knew my cancer was back I should have reconsidered going back to college. I was just so afraid of letting my scholarship, my family and anyone who has had cancer down. I was afraid that people would see me as someone who couldn't handle my trials. I see so many people who are fighting cancer and they continue on with their lives. People are taking chemo and they are going to school or still working! I hated seeing everyone have such successful lives. Everyone was making relationships, getting married, creating families, getting their education, making a career, while here I was... No here I AM sitting in front of a stupid television doing nothing with my life! Although I know I should have not gone to school, but man... I LOVED it! I miss my education. 

Fall Break Nightmare Part One

Going to school at Utah State University was almost everything I dreamed it would be! Sure I lived in one of the cheapest dorms there with no air conditioning or elevator to my room on the fourth floor, but I got what I paid for. I had fantastic roomates and new friends because I moved to Logan. I did some fun things as well like riding a mechanical bull and dressing up like a girl version of the Doctor Who at the HOWL. Now don't judge me, it wasn't all about partying I also had a love/hate relationship with school. My english classes were the best classes I have yet to take while my science classes were... hard to keep up with. My science classes were very interesting and insightful, but they made me very happy that I chose to get out of history as a major. As much fun and interesting as those science/history classes were they were very difficult to understand and hard to keep up with. The exams were rough, but I was keeping up... until my cancer came back again. During fall break I went to Salt Lake City to see my doctor about my PET scan and of course my cancer was back, this time in my right femur. What was I going to do? I attend school in Logan! Luckily there was a radiation doctor in Logan that I was able to go to, but by the time I got an appointment my right leg was in too much pain to walk without crutches. Even though I was in extreme pain I wanted to try to go to some of my classes and try to explain my situation and see if there was any way I could stay in my dorms until I could recieve some treatments. I wouldn't have been worried about missing my classes for a week except there were two crucial exams I would be missing along with some crucial notes and information I needed for those exams all in the one week that I had to miss. I was determined to get to my classes, but was only able to go to one because my pain was becoming harder and harder to bear. Let me back track to the beginning of the semester when I met a very amazing shuttle driver. His name is Dave and he knew just about everyone on campus. He remembers mostly everyone he meets and remembers their stories. No he doesn't do it because his job requires him to be nice, but because he is an honest good man who cares. He knew all of my roomates and our stories that we talk with him about. No one talks to him just because there is nothing better to do, but because he is incredibly fun to talk to and always has some interesting stories to talk about. I sometimes joke that he only remembers my name because his daughter's name is Tiffany as well, but I could be wrong. (; The reason I wanted to mention him is because on my way back to the dorms. I got on a shuttle that Dave wasn't driving, but he was the shuttle that was right behind mine because when I was walking back on my crutches to my dorm Dave spotted me and ran off the bus and ran up to me. He heard what had happened from one of my roomates and wanted to help in the best way he knew, a priesthood blessing. It was exactly what I needed!

Getting Through the Negative and Moving Toward the Positive.

I've been dreading this posts for the longest time, but it's time for me write it down and finally move on.  I'll be honest it's not a very positive post. So to continue with my story, they found cancer in my hip. Well, there was nothing to worry about my eye, so they only had to focus on my hip. 

When I talked to my doctor, she told me that my cancer was back and will continuously come back. The way she put it was, " I don't know when you're going to die, or when your mom will die, or when I will die. We just have to keep fighting this and hope for the best, but this will probably be what kills you in the end." Great, now where is the hope? 

My mom was crying again, and this time I was too. So this is going to be my life? I may never get the chance to get married and have a family like most will, but I'm still hoping this will be a blessing in disguise. That's when I think of how lucky I am to know that life is eternal, even if I don't get a chance to have a family here on earth I will still have a chance when I die and return to my Heavenly Father. Don't get me wrong, I still have negative thoughts like when I die I'll be alone, or I get depressed because I want normality when I go to school, and I especially have negative thoughts about my worth. 

Now that I'm here going to school in logan I'm still debating whether to go see a psychologist up here or not. But I would like to leave this post on a good note so I will show you a couple pictures of when I got my scholarship from Ulman Cancer Fund and when I participated in Relay for Life! 

By the way I want to thank the riders who gave me my scholarship, and everyone who helped with the relay for life, especially my brother who participated in Mr. relay and won!

.....And the Results Are In!

Let me start off with the dreadful news, for the past six months I have been working at my old job. A little over a month ago I got a call from my doctor to notify me about my PET scan I had previously. I was driving home from work at this point when my doctor called, I only answered thinking that this would be a short sweet conversation, I was in the clear before why would I have to worry anymore? 

 I had planned out what he was going to say to me, until he kept talking, that's when I realized that something popped up in the scan, something is very wrong. My heart was pacing and my fingers were shaking, and yet I was still driving on the road listening to my doctor tell me how worried he is that he found some spots showed up on my eye and left hip. Left hip? Seemed like a pretty random spot to hit. At this point I wasn't thinking clearly and was very emotional. On the phone I kept my cool, but physically you would see a complete mess. Near the end of the conversation he told me he had already talked to my mom about it. ( apparently he called the wrong number so he told my mom anyway)

My mom was the first person I called, but she didn't answer her phone so then I called my dad. I had to talk to someone about this, I was utterly shattered. I was planning on going to school and participating in relay for life in just three or four weeks. I was still driving home when I called my dad bawling out my eyes practically screaming "why now?" " I can't do this anymore" " why is this happening?" . My dad was just as stumped as I was. He did the best he could to comfort me, and I needed it more than ever.

When I pulled in to the my grandparents driveway (where I was staying at the time) I just sat in my car and just cried for at least five minutes, just when I was about to compose myself my grandpa came up to my car and banged on my car to scare me for fun. It did make me jump, but also pushed my emotions even farther and I started bawling again. It was just bad timing I don't blame him for making me cry, because on any other day I would laugh if he did that, even now I laugh at the situation. 

He knew was something was wrong when he noticed I was moving out of my car cause I couldn't compose myself anymore. He asked me what was wrong, and all I could say was "I got my results back from the pet scan..." That's when the cussing started with my grandpa as he escorted me into the house. "Shit...shit...shit!" Then my grandma asked what happened and I could hardly speak by this point. My face was red, hot, and wet. Later that night I told the rest of my family and talked to my mom who didn't answer my phone call because she was having a hard time as well. About an hour after I told my sister I had all my siblings over and I had a priesthood blessing, I needed it more than ever! 

 Later that week I started to feel some strong pain down my leg, by the end of the week I couldn't sleep through the night it was so painful. That next day I lost mobility in my left leg, which was around the time I had a bone scan so I could do a biopsy for it.

My mom came up from Vegas to help me around the house and for my biopsy, and of course to bring me my pain medicine. Haha oh how I appreciated it!! 

Luckily what they found on my scan for my eye was just scar tissue, but they were pretty worried about my hip...

Scholarship Work

 I've been working really hard on how to approach my essays for some scholarships. If I really want my essay to turn out well I need to want to write it. I am not a good writer when it comes to non-fiction, but writing an essay on my cancer experience is my life which makes my essay non-fiction. It wasn't until I thought of symbolism that made me eager to write this essay.  If I could show my audience my perspective in a creative way I would be eager to write this. I wanted to show you how my essay turned out and let you know that I will be receiving a scholarship from Ulman Cancer Fund, and my essay was posted online from the C.R.O.W.N. Project.

Forget the shining armor. Forget the knives, swords, and arrows. My weapons of war were chemotherapy, radiation, feeding tubes, and emergency hospital visits. Forget about prince charming coming to save me in the end and asking me to marry him and live happily ever after. My prince charming was disguised as an old man with a white jacket and a MD. He was there to save me, or rather my life, but reminding me that my life may not yet be a happy ever after. 

In the cancer world it is dark, grim, and even a little depressing. With cancer I was battling the unseen villain in my body. The villain knew my weaknesses and invaded with his army. He knew my joys and dreams and has his own goals of crushing them secretly. He wanted me to suffer and slowly die. To never experience moving out on my own, getting a real education, finding a career, falling in love, getting married, having kids, or dying old. 

What he didn’t know was that when I found him sneaking into my boundaries I was willing to fight. I wasn’t going to let him take my kingdom away without a fight. With little time to waste I turned into a warrior overnight and began my war cry. Though I knew I would make it out alive, I wasn’t scared of the battle scars I would collect along the way. 

I was a victim to the hated and villainous illness by the name of cancer. When I noticed a large lump on the left side of my neck I didn’t think much of it since I wasn’t a doctor and didn’t know all there was to know about the human body. When it didn’t fade I got very nervous and went in to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist. After taking antibiotics for two weeks, taking a CT scan, and a needle biopsy, the doctor confirmed one of my worst fears. I had cancer. Not just any cancer a rare cancer called neuroendocrine carcinoma that started in my sinus cavity and moved into my lymph nodes. 

I was then referred to my next doctor who performed surgery on me and gave me the heartbreaking news of my future. Before my surgery he was almost positive that I wouldn’t have to go through chemotherapy, but I would still have to have radiation. When he got the lab results back from surgery he informed me I would now have to receive chemotherapy, but I wouldn’t have to lose my hair. Every day I was getting bad news from my doctors, because when I had my consultation with my oncologist he told me that with the chemotherapy I would receive I would lose my hair and it would possibly make me infertile. 

I struggled having chemotherapy and radiation at the same time. Through it I was stuck with a feeding tube, unable to swallow, and saliva so thick that if I tried to swallow I would end up vomiting. I had lost my hair, strength, and motivation. I had been in and out of the hospital all summer long with fevers and low blood counts. 

I had a problem sleeping when I was going through my chemotherapy, I was in so much pain, I had a hard time breathing, I was so weak, and my daily thoughts bothered me. Before I was diagnosed with cancer I dreamed of getting a degree in history and traveling the world to meet and help people less fortunate than I. I was working full time as a supervisor and going to school full time, I hardly had any time for myself let alone eat and sleep. I was so anxious to hurry and attain my associate’s degree that breaks were not a part of my plan. I was even going to go to school during the summer to get ahead. After dreaming of an eventful summer my plans were shattered and I was told by my doctors that it would be best if I take a break from school and work. What? I never believed in breaks then I was forced into one. All my ideas of a bright future were over; I had to give up school, my social life and my good job. Even though I thought my career goals were over, cancer was giving me a chance to reevaluate my life and truly think of what I wanted to do and how to share my talents. 

I read a lot of fiction on my own time and I have always made up stories that stuck in my head, but when I dream I have always considered them nightmares because of how vivid and real they seem to me. A couple years back I had dreamed a nightmare that still scares me to this day. Every time I had to calm myself through a scan, treatment, or getting to sleep I would imagine this dream in my head and I started creating the story to this dream with characters and fears of their own. This story I made up was the only thing that motivated me to keep moving forward, it was my sanctuary. Though I may not be grateful for having to put my life on hold and going through all the pain, I am grateful for the challenge it gave me to turn my life around and steer me in a new path. I’m no longer the same girl with the beautiful long hair that was insecure about what other people thought of her, now I’m a confident woman who values others before herself and yearns to continue to experience the life I was spared. In most fairytale stories the hero survives in the end having defeated his/her foes and dragons. I am that modern day hero in not just the public eye, but mine eyes as well. I still have many battles to face but I have won a war. 

Please share your comments and let me know what you think of my work. I am persuing to write fiction and would love some input!

The Doctor Who Wouldn't Look Me In The Eye

Before I moved back to good old Utah I had a couple other experiences I need to write about. For example, watching the show Parenthood. I have never had an interest in watching this depressing show, until I saw one episode out of the blue. I never understand why people watch such depressing shows where everyone’s lives are spiraling down and never seem to come back up.

As I was watching this show one of the characters was a woman finding out she had cancer. That’s what peeked my interest, not that I like to think about my cancer cause it doesn’t always make me exactly chipper, but the fact that I am seeing someone understand a little of what I have been through. Whenever I hear about someone facing cancer my attention is centered on them and the facts that are shared. Every episode I watched I wept with the character, because it felt so real, all my emotions were coming back and I was asked continuously why I would torture myself with this. I started watching this show almost religiously, it stole my attention and I couldn’t get over reliving my emotions, this is when I knew how much  I loved to share about my experiences with cancer, I love being asked questions about it and sharing my insight.

Most people that come up to me apologize and ask if they are being rude before they ask me questions about it. I am here to tell you that I love the questions and love talking about my cancer. It might have been something to tear me down, but now it’s something I have overcome and something I am very passionately proud of.

On to my next experience in Vegas, I was scheduled to have my doctor’s appointment in November, but wasn’t due for my scans until January. I was expecting some superb doctor like I had in Utah, but for me he wasn’t. I was a bit skeptical about this doctor. He was a nice enough man, but if a doctor can’t look you in the eye when he is talking to you we certainly have a problem. Whenever he talked to me he was either looking at the floor or/and squinting. Whenever I asked him a question he took nearly ten minutes to explain a simple answer. I’m sure he is a very good smart doctor, but he certainly doesn’t have what it takes to deal with patients.

Going to Vegas for appointments is a nightmare, they won’t answer their phones when you call and when you leave a message you expect them to at least call you back within that day or at all, not in Vegas. This is one of my many reasons why I wouldn’t go to Vegas for a doctor’s appointment. Another reason was something they post in their rooms so they are clear to read for their patients. (Picture) They are taking advantage of cancer patients! This is so wrong, like we don’t have enough problems now they are charging us up to $20 for a letter. This would affect me dearly since I was filling out some scholarship applications and they all include a personalized letter from the doctor. I understand we are taking a little time out of your busy schedule, but we you make more than enough for your work and this is part of your job. Luckily I got all my personalized letters in Utah which I got for free.

Where's Your Customer Service?

My mom and I finally moved to Henderson Nevada on October 20th. I'm not going to lie the weather is fantastic, but to move there? Well... It's not Utah that's for sure. I knew I was going to have a hard time adjusting when I found out they don't have Wingers and Grandma's Sycamore bread, for me those are essential. This move really did escalate quickly!

This was an opportunity to start over by meeting new people and getting a new job for more experiences. I lived in Vegas around six months, and ended up wasting my time and money. The only benefit of being in Vegas was living with my parents.

I did get a job at Plato’s Closet, I started working on super bowl Sunday and put all my energy and strength to focus on being a good employee. On my third day working they were having this super deal on a Saturday morning where the customer could put as many clearance items as they could fit in a small bag that would only cost $15.00. It was a very stressful and chaotic day. I was sure I was hired until that morning the owner came out to talk with me and two other new employees that if we don’t prove that we want this job they were going to let us go. I didn’t realize that they wanted a competition out of us. I have had no experience with customers and told my supervisor that I would need training on it. I was only trained on where everything was located and how to tag clothes, now we had to show our customer service by bugging customers with our smile and help. I felt like a fake teenage girl.

Since I wanted to keep my job, I worked and was always talking to customers and cleaning up the mess like everyone else was. In the end I got a call from my supervisor telling me that they were going to let me go because they didn’t think I had enough customer service. Ok, so If I wasn’t trained on customer service why was I being let go? I was too upset to hear her talk anymore so she only continued by saying to turn in my t-shirt and I will get my paycheck.

When I went in to get my paycheck the only employees that were there were some people I didn’t know, which meant, neither the supervisors nor the owners were there. What? They couldn’t face me to explain to me why they really let me go?

I should have applied myself more, but I didn’t. We as human beings all make mistakes and all have regrets, but even though I acted like a lazy bum doesn’t mean I completely wasted my time. I was with family I love and proved to myself that I don’t need to move to “start over” in fact, by moving I was just running away from my problems. It was time for me to get my old job back and move to Utah.

October 2012

On October 5^th, I had my last doctor appointment in Utah before I moved to Vegas. I was all smiles that day because I was feeling great and ready to get back out in the public fuzzy head and all. That weekend I was going to Vegas for the weekend again, it was also General Conference weekend. While I was at the new home in Vegas I got a text from my sister Jamie telling me that I could now serve a mission. WHAT? This was huge news for anyone who is LDS because now men could go on a mission as early as 18 and women could go when they reach 19. I had always said that if they ever changed the age for missions I would seriously consider going on a mission, but now the state that I am in I don’t know if they would even let me go until after my five year mark. I am still debating on going, but there is something that’s pulling me and telling me to not go…yet. I was screaming when I heard the news. I was upset, jealous, happy, jealous, anxious, oh and jealous! I know I still have time to think things over, but there is still a part of me that just wants to leave tomorrow and never come back. To live in service has always been a dream of mine, I’m not very good at it right now and I want to change that and a mission could help me achieve just that and more.
I started back to work the beginning of October. I’d like to say it was like it used to be, but it wasn’t. I wasn’t the supervisor anymore, sometimes it’s hard to see how easily I can be replaced even though I worked so hard to get there and always striving to be my best and having everything stripped away because I got sick. Most of my good friends were gone from the company and I was stuck having to start over as if I was new, but it was worse because most of my co-workers that had started new after I was on leave acted annoyed of my reappearance. This wasn’t where I belonged. Getting my social life was going to be something really hard to get back into.
 I did not expect things to be the same when I came back, but I also didn’t expect to feel like the underdog from my peers. No one really reached out to me and I was too scared to approach the people I didn’t know because of the stares I would get, so I clung to the few people who knew me and were friends with me.
I wanted a new start after everything so I thought I would move with my mom to Las Vegas on the 20^th. On October 19^th I had quit Ingram Medical after two years.

Surgery Week

That Saturday the 22nd of September we moved to Las Vegas, boy what a trip it was. With the moving truck, it took us around nine hours to get there; my butt was definitely bruised by the time we got to the house. Okay, I lied we didn't move to Vegas really, more like the giant city of Henderson, which is about 45 minutes from the strip.
When we got there we expected to be able to move our furniture in right away, but that wasn’t the case since the painters weren’t finished painting parts of the house. Since my dad had been living in Las Vegas, he got acquainted with the new ward and met people who were willing to help us move into the house. If it wasn’t for them then we probably would’ve been moving everything in till past midnight.
While everyone was moving heavy furniture I was in the empty area taking care of Jamie’s son Tyler. I was still not strong enough to do any lifting so I was the babysitter. I would’ve loved to help, but I knew better than to push my luck. While I was babysitting I was told to put him to bed, I was reminded that he would cry and I should just let him cry for a little while and he would eventually fall asleep. Hearing that kid cry almost broke my heart, he sounded like I abandoned him! I don’t know how mothers do it. As much as I wanted to comfort that little boy I knew that his sleep was more important at the moment. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would ever be a good mother someday. After the move, everyone left to head back to Utah. Even my mom and I left my dad, who stayed at the new house. My mom still had unfinished business to do like for example an important surgery to attend to!
The day had finally come when I got to have surgery to take my uncomfortable port out! On September 25^th I was scheduled to get it removed. This surgery was making me a bit nervous, because I didn’t want another day full of vomiting. I recognized some of the same people in the operating room who put that port in me, and now they were going to remove it. The next thing I know my vision is getting shaky and blurry and I’m out. When I woke up I was feeling so good! Not the “good” feeling that you get when you win an award, but the good feeling when you’re in the middle of a good dream where you’re flying through the clouds and nobody can bring you down. In fact, I was not feeling sick at all. Actually, I was really hungry and feeling a little energetic, but yet I was so tired I could’ve slept for days.

On my way home I asked my mom to stop by Carl’s Jr. to get some food that I was craving; now I have hardly ever been to Carl’s Jr., but there I was slobbering over this hamburger. I don’t even know how I thought of Carl’s Jr. in the first place, but when I ate it I was on cloud nine. Ever since that day I have always loved hamburgers from Carl’s Jr. When I finished the food I went straight to bed and heard people every now and again, but refused to wake up because I was extremely exhausted. I slept all day long till it was dinner time then I slept all night, it was the best sleep I had ever had. This surgery was the best I’ve ever had in my life mostly because I didn’t end up vomiting.

Later that week my mom had her scheduled surgery to remove her breast cancer. I was very anxious and nervous for this surgery. When she came home she was a bit loopy and outgoing, but still herself. She was doing really well for someone who just got out of surgery, so I was surprised when she said she would go to her cousin’s wedding that night. We didn’t stay very long but it left us on a positive note for the week.

Cancer Strikes Again

That weekend in Vegas was a real stepping stone in my improvement. We were leaving Vegas on a good optimistic note, well until we got a phone call. My dad was at his place in Vegas checking on where we were every couple hours, we expected the call to be from him, but it wasn't. Before our little trip my mom had a couple mammograms, she wasn't too worried about the outcome but you never know when you'll get an unwanted gift.
The person to tell us the results from the mammograms was actually a very sweet lady in our church ward. Now back to the phone call we got, she informed my mom that she actually had cancer. What a joke! My sweet loving mother who battled with me because of my luck to have cancer would now have to battle breast cancer. why? Why my family? I never questioned God as to why I had to go through cancer, but my mom? She doesn't deserve this, how could this be happening?
I wasn't angry, I was beyond frustrated. My mom always told me what most mothers always say "If I could take this burden and place it on my shoulders instead, I would" Was God toying with my emotions? I was fine that he gave cancer to me, but don't hurt my sweet mother she's been through enough this past year!
 I remember glancing at my mom when  I was just diagnosed with cancer, and I saw her cry but I didn't. Then here I was in the car driving back to Utah stunned and crying because I never wanted my mom to experience any measure of what I had to go through. Luckily, it was determined as a pre-cancer, but to me cancer is cancer, I'm just happy they caught it so early. This next week was very rough on her, she was recently diagnosed with cancer while her husband was away and now she had to finish packing and move everything to Vegas by the end of the week.
My mom was pretty easy going about the whole cancer situation, she told everyone that she now had proof that stress(me) can lead to cancer. She kept telling me that it's not as bad as what I had to go through, but it's still not okay to me. Why her? Why my family? Don't get me wrong, I would never wish it on anybody but I take it very personally when my family is involved. So far, the year of 2012 is the worst year for my family.

Messengers of God at Target

My dad as an IT man got a job that was located in Las Vegas, so he finally took the offer and was working on selling our home in good old West Jordan. My parents decided to sell the home by owner so when my dad put the house on sale on KSL we weren't expecting to sell it as fast as we did, but we got an offer on the house within 24 hours. The next move was to find a house in Vegas that would be good for not only my parents, but for visitors and for my grandma to stay in. I was unable to go with my family to vegas when they were looking at the homes, but from what I heard they were not having the best luck. Since my dad was already living at an old home in Vegas he was still looking while my mom was in Utah working and taking care of me.
My hardworking mom turned into slave overnight working day and night to do everything before the big move. She packed the whole house herself while working full time, and making sure I had my pain medicine every four hours. I know this was not easy for her, she had to leave all her family and friends in Utah to go to a state she doesn't even like, and had to transfer to a job where customers yell at her all day. It's not something she planned on ever doing, but she did it because she loves my dad, she loves our family. She may have become a slave in the work but she was a hero in my eyes. She put her family before herself, she works hard and honestly. She's been through Hell and back and still comes out strong.
I was finally physically able to go on a trip with my mom to see my dad in Vegas on September 15th. I wasn't at all expecting how hard it was to walk all over the place. Now keep in mind, we didn't do a lot of walking, but for me it seemed like a lot of walking, by the end of each day I was exhausted because I was so out of shape. Sometime during the weekend we stopped off at Target when we were there a woman came up to me and very sweetly asked if I had a certain disorder or a disease that doesn't allow me to grow hair in certain areas on my head. I replied that I was more bald in certain spots on my head because of chemotherapy and radiation. She only asked because of her daughter, in fact she was somewhere in the store.
When we got to the cashier she was there with her ten year old daughter and she wanted her daughter to meet me. Her daughter would wear a wig because she was insecure about her bald head, but when I saw her she was looking up at me with the biggest smile on her face! She then took off her wig and her mom explained to me what they thought. I was so used to not wearing my wig and staying bald that I didn't realize what effect I had on other people, I just thought wigs were itchy, hot, and uncomfortable. But here I was in a random Target being told I was being a good role model for her daughter just because I was wearing my baldness proudly. I was shocked and humbled by hearing this, it's something I could never forget. Sometimes we are messengers of God and not even know it.

Stand Up To Cancer

Since my body was starting to heal my hair finally started to grow, when I first got my hair my head was like a fuzzy peach. I still had some major bald spots in the back of my head that hadn't grown hair yet, but I was growing hair again! I asked my mom what my hair was like when I was a baby and she only told me that I had always had hair, so technically this was the only time I've ever been bald. My left eye didn't have any eyelashes on the top or bottom, and since my eye looked a little sunken in I thought I would purchase some fake eyelashes for both eyes so I would match just a little. Well, I tried the eyelashes and they weren't easy to put on without real eyelashes. I only used it a couple times, but when I did it was a sloppy job so I stopped using the eyelashes.

To torture myself through another emotional rollercoaster I decided to watch the "Stand Up To Cancer" program on September 7th. I never used to listen to these stories, I knew that cancer was terrible and people had to go through a lot. I even knew people who had cancer or other diseases and other trials and tribulations. But being a patient yourself is a whole different story, cancer was a wake-up call. People aren't just suffering, people are dying. This disease has become more of an epidemic, something is not right for so many people to suffer like this.

We as the natural man don't put ourselves in others' shoes unless it becomes personal, whether someone we love is going through something hard or it be ourselves. Why is it that we just don't care about strangers or others we don't understand to just let them suffer? We as patients and troubled people expect to hear encouragement from our loved ones, but we really think and are motivated by the people who don't know us, because they did it out of their way. They are the saints that make a difference in the world one person at a time. I encourage people to help their family and loved ones, but I would advise to help a neighbor you don't know, a co-worker you don't usually talk to, or someone you don't know. Everyone is battling some kind of trial. Everyone needs someone to talk to or just a friend.

Everytime I hear a story about someone suffering from a scary disease like cancer I have to listen to the story, because I am more understanding as to what they have to go through or gone through. My experience is different from anyone else's, but I like to look back on my life and hear about how familiar other people's problems are to mine.

A Bruised Butt, Gelato, and Drool.

Life was finally turning around I was able to go to church and even went to my cousin's bridal shower. Okay, I wasn't in perfect shape when I went to the bridal shower, but HEY I got out of the house and did something that wasn't going to the doctors. At this point I was still having a hard time eating, and when it came to sweets, well forget it they were too strong or too rich I hated eating anything sweet. It was all about the salt, eating things like chips and fries. I was constantly craving fries! It was so good to get out of the house, but since I was so used to my reclining chair at home I was used to having a cushion on my butt. When I sat on a hard chair I could feel my butt getting bruised. I was so uncomfortable sitting in the chair and my family noticed. I was complaining a little to my mom and aunt that my butt hurt. My aunt Amy was so sweet to bring in some blankets for me to sit on after she laughed about my boney butt. Of course on my way home I asked my mom to stop off to get me some french fries. Mmmm food!

August 30th I went out with my sister and nephew for some gelato, another exciting day because I got away from home. I was still taking my gatorade bottle with me everywhere because I was nervous to leave the house without my drink in case I needed it, and let me tell you I always needed it! I don't remember what the name of the gelato place we went to, but It was freezing in there. It would make sense as to why it would be cold, but it was worse when I started eating the gelato. When we got outside in the heat I wanted to be back in the cold building.

Ever since I got my feeding tube out I tried sleeping in my bed, and it was so hard getting used to sleeping in a flat bed. For the first couple weeks it would make my ears throb and make me kind of nauseated. I was still not able to swallow my saliva by then, so I would sleep with my tissues if I needed them and I would wake up with my shirt wet because I had drooled. But the night of August 30th I tried to swallow my saliva and I didn't get sick! It was still thick but it was getting better. I finally got some good sleep when I knew I could swallow my own spit, this was a huge step for me. I didn't realize how grateful I was for the ability to swallow. Before I had cancer it was as easy as breathing and now it's never been as easy for me. To this day I still struggle with swallowing, but I'm so happy I can!

A Little Loss For A Big Gain

As many of you already know, I am a Latter Day Saint Christian. I was born in this faith with good parents who taught me the gospel. I grew up learning about the Book of Mormon along with the Bible, and The Pearl of Great Price.To this day I believe in our modern day prophet, Thomas S. Monson. I don't drink alcohol or coffee, and I don't smoke, have tattoos, or dress immodestly. It is because I grew up in the church that I had learned these things, but I obey these commandments because I have faith in it. I'm not perfect but that only makes me human. I could go on in what I believe and express longer how much I love the gospel, but the reason I wanted to share this was background information for what I am about to tell you.

Every sunday at church I would take the sacrament and when I was a kid it was my least favorite hour on sunday because I thought all the speakers after taking the sacrament were dreadfully boring. As I got older and actually paid attention to the speakers and the sacrament became more meaningful to me, it became the hour I didn't want to miss. I'm not saying this because it's an expected answer of a good mormon girl. I'm saying this because I've re-evaluated my life. 

When I became diagnosed with cancer, I was never mad at God I accepted it and moved on. How could you hate someone who is just trying to show you something important. I know God had no intention of hurting me, but I think he knew I was strong enough to handle it and come out better than I was before. When I was going through chemo and radiation I couldn't go to church, so how was I supposed to get the sacrament? Luckily for a week or two I had some nice men come to my house who blessed some bread and water for me. Unfortunately, as the effects of chemo and radiation took a hold of me I couldn't even swallow so I had to go without the sacrament for a couple months.
I truly believe that you don't realize what your missing till it's taken away from you. In this case it was taking the sacrament, it meant so much to me when I got to return August 26th to church. I didn't hold anything back, so when I took the sacrament I did cry and it felt so good to feel apart of the church again. Even through all the pain, heartache, and effects I was still feeling it gave me some peace. I am so proud of myself for never giving up on my faith and my values.

Crazy Fascinations

I just wanted to share a little of what it was like on a feeding tube, I was recieving liquid food from a tube that attatched to a bag that attatched to a pole. Everytime I wanted to go to the bathroom I would have to drag that pole with me, when I had long chemo visits I would bring a special backpack to put it in to substitute the pole. But when I was going through chemo I was still stuck on a pole anyhow. If I had the energy or someone by my side I would just ask them to unplug me from my feeding while I went to the bathroom.
When your on a feeding tube you'd think that your stomach would feel satisfied, like you never craved food because you were neither hungry nor full but just satisfied. That is not the case with feeding tubes, you are always hungry, but when your feeding tube is clogged and you have no source of food at all your body is truly starving. Starving is to be deprived of nourishment, that is all my food consisted of. Those time my feeding tube was clogged my stomach never growled, it just gave me pain and many cravings for any kind of food. Even when I was on my feeding tube I would watch TV and 90% of commercials consist of some advertisement of food! Some days I would torture myself by watching shows like "Man Vs Food". It was very frustrating not being able to eat real food, I had no taste buds that even when I did try food it's not like I could actually taste it.
So back to when I first had Nachos, they were in truth a little piece of heaven, but it was cut too short when I fell asleep. The next day my feeding tube clogged, I decided for myself that I was NOT going to have another feeding tube replaced I was done! The only problem was that the hospital wouldn't take me to get it taken out( I can't remember the reason) So my mom called a doctor to ask if she could do it. This really scared me because I was thinking you need to know how to pull something out of someone's body, right? My mom is a very smart and wise person, but she isn't a doctor. I love her, but I was very hesitant. So when the doctor told her that anyone could do it, I freaked!
I finally got over the fact that my mom was going to pull it out and wanted to get this over with. My sister Jamie was with us and was very excited to witness this, actually she kinda wished she had done it. I layed flat waiting for it to get pulled when I had a bad urge to once again puke. earlier that day I decided to try and eat licorice and well after that puking, twizzlers have not sounded good since.
I decided that it would be better if I sat up when it was being pulled out, so here I am freaking out that I will puke again, my mom is sliding the tube out of my nostril and I see Jamie's face crazy with fascination.
Once it was out, I felt so relieved and worry free. I'll never forget when Jamie told me she was bummed that she didn't take any pictures or a video. Now that the feeding tube was out I had the responsibility to take care of my eating habits. If I didn't get my weight up soon I might have to be back on the feeding tube, which is my last resort, actually that's a lie I think I rather have a feeding tube then have another ensure or instant breakfeast. I started off slowly by eating things like chicken noodle soup(heated), baked potatoes, and french fries. I was still having trouble swallowing and tasting things, but atleast I did well with these. During this time my mom always told me that if I ever had a craving or something I wanted to eat that she would go and get it for me, because the more I ate the better. It was important to get my weight up ,after having my feeding tube out I lost another couple of pounds that I couldn't afford to lose, but I was once again struggling get that weight back on my own, but I was very determined to do it on my own without the feeding tube. It was a risky gamble for my body but in the end it turned out to be successful.

Falling Asleep Eating Nachos

I managed to suffer through the holiday and get my feeding tube replaced. What I didn't explain very well that during the July month I was having a big problem with my left eye. At the beginning of the month my left side was pretty swollen especially near my left eye. After my last hospital stay it went down, but I had trouble opening my eye, it was weak and tired and I started to see double vision if I opened that eye. Since I wasn't opening the eye very much I had almost trained myself how to see with one eye. I had gone to some appointments for my eye, and luckily they told me it should heal on its own. I finally decided that it was time to try using that eye even if I saw double vision. After using it frequently for the next couple of days the double vision corrected itself, maybe there wasn't a problem the whole time.
In the beginning of August I had a real hard time with my saliva, it seemed as if it was getting worse, it would get stuck in my throat and I had no choice but to puke it out. I had a lot of pain going on because I was still trying to heal. It really took a lot of time to heal and recover, and because I was puking most days I would get very dehydrated so every week I had a nurse come into my home and clean my port to be used again. Since I was so sick and also so nauseated I didn't know if I could do my scans that were scheduled for the 10th. As I was in the parking lot I was confident I was going to make it and keeping my spirits up until I could tell I was going to pass out from walking too fast. Right outside of the building I puked once again, that's when I knew I was never going to make it through my scans. I had to cancel my MRI that day and rescheduled it for the next monday. I still had to go through with my PET scan because they already had everything waiting for me and this scan is very expensive so I really didn't have much of a choice. I was relieved though when they gave me the good IV fluid for my stomach. within almost ten minutes I didn't feel like puking and I was very calm. I finished my pet scan and on the 13th I continued with my MRI.
On the 16th when I was due to change my port and get it flushed I had a new supervisor come in and let me tell you, I did not care for her, she smelled of smoke and I felt like she really didn't know what she was doing. She practically was on top of my while flushing my port! Apparently she stabbed me numerous of time just trying to get it in and it was clearly visible as to where it goes but she missed, not only that when she missed she was going deeper in trying to find the area. I didn't scream because I didn't want her to freak out, but I was sweating bullets and clenching my teeth in pain. When she finally got it done I was so relieved for her to be gone, that was the last time I had my port changed from her.
A week later I was still trying food little by little and my mom had made nachos, but I was feeling some pain still and she told me to try and swallow some liquid tylenol since I was doing a little better swallowing. I thought that seems easy enough right? Well I took it before I ate and when I was in the middle of eating I was starting to feel really drowsy, it felt familiar. I knew this feeling and it was only caused by taking benadryl, I asked my mom if she had given me benadryl instead of tylenol on accident. She looked confused and went to check the bottle, that's when I knew I was right. I could tell she felt bad, but all I could do was laugh. I'll never forget that night. To this day I still give her crap about how she gave me benadryl instead of tylenol.

The Last Bell

On July 12th, Once again I had to replace my feeding tube. Another terrible experience. On July 17th I was on my last cycle of chemo. I decided I should do something I don't usually do. I decided on my last treatment on the 19th I would wear my wig. I got my wig a couple days after my first chemo treatment. That day I was feeling really sick as usual and when I was trying on my wigs I just wanted to go pass out. I hurried through trying on a few wigs and decided on one and left. I tried wearing it a few times, but honestly I hated wearing the wig. It was hot, itchy, and always in my face. I could care less about the wig. So instead of always wearing my wig I decided to show off my bald head. It really wasn't bad since not very many people saw me all the time, and I never looked at myself in the mirror because I was in too much pain to even crane my neck up and hold up my head, I always looked down.

So back to my last chemo cycle, I wasn't very strong but I did feel a bit of motivation to wear my wig and look a little decent. With that motivation I wanted to try eating little at a time. When I last tried grape juice it had no flavor. I knew that my radiation would destroy my taste buds for a while, but I had been off of radiation for a month now so maybe I could try something again. My mom let me have some of her chocolate ice cream, I could taste something but it was so rich and too sweet for me to eat.

That week my mom also gave me a present that was incredibly generous. During my treatments I didn't have a lot to do so I would sleep, check my phone, or have a conversation with my mom even though half the time I couldn't speak. She gave me a coloring book and crayola crayons. It gave me something to do and it was so simple to distract me from everything for a few minutes. It was something to relax me and gave me something else to think about.

That week I also had a couple of my eye appointments to figure out what to do about my eye that I couldn't seem to really open. I only had about five eyelashes on my top eyelid on my left eye. My doctor wasn't sure what was wrong with the eye so for precaution he plucked my last five eyelashes. It sure hurt, but I was also crushed cause those eyelashes were survivors and now they were gone. It would take forever to get my eyelashes back. He gave me some eyedrops to take eventually my eye started to get better.

July 20th I finally got to ring my chemo bell after having my shot from chemo. I knew I was going to have those body aches for the next four days, so of course I was still going to be in pain for another holiday, July 24th. I always had the worst luck on the holidays, so what else happened on that day? My feeding tube got clogged. I had only had it in for less than two weeks. I had to go hungry for another holiday. As usual, I heard the fireworks outside and saw Ashes run and hide, while I was stuck inside hungry, tired, and in pain.

One Hell of a Night

I am making another post today for the reason that I have to distract my mind for the things that are bothering me at the moment. It's not the best subject to talk about, but might as well write.
My last day of having chemo on my third cycle, I started getting an allergic reaction. My mom looked at me and asked if I was okay, because she started to notice blotches on my pale skin. The nurse had me lift up my shirt to show my stomach and it was blotchy. They stopped my chemo from continuing, and had the doctor tell them what they should do. They gave me the evil substance of benadryl to help. The doctor wanted to finish my chemo since it was almost gone anyhow. Benadryl is awful, you feel tired but even when you take a nap you still feel awful and even more exhausted.
After having my third chemo cycle the next day on June 29th I had to have a shot to get my blood counts up faster than last time. Now, these shots don't hurt when going into my body. I've never really had a needle phobia, but I freak out if I can't watch it go into my body, it may be because I'm not a huge fan of surprises. Whenever an adult is to get a shot or even pricked for an IV the nurse counts to three to tell them when they are going to be "stabed", but I am a visual learner so no, it's not okay with me. I have to watch what the nurses are going to do to me. Anyway, about this shot, it starts to take effect probably a couple hours later. It makes your body feel stiff and sore to the extreme. We all know what it's like to feel sore from a good work out, well this shot makes you feel like that X100 worse.
I had to get help to get out of a chair because it hurt so bad. When I walked I wasn't able to pick up my feet, instead I slid them on the floor taking small babysteps. The only time I decided to move was when I had to go to the bathroom. It made it impossible to sleep because everytime I would even turn my head, my body would ache. It would finally go away after a few days, but that on top of every other pain I had was too much to bare. I had no choice but to keep going, I was getting discouraged with all the pain and everything I was expected to do. All I thought was that all this pain better be worth it!
July fourth was the first holiday I had to miss out on, all my neighbors and friends were out celebrating Independence day with fireworks, BBQ's, and as much watermelon as you could eat. Me? I was inside watching TV with my parents listening to fireworks go off and watching my dog ashes run to my parents closet to hide. That night I was hoping to be able to at least go outside and see some fireworks, but I was feeling so sick I couldn't even handle that.
On July 5th I had an appointment with my doctor and I remember this day most vividly out of any day going through cancer. They took my blood to see my blood count and when I was talking with my doctor he wanted me to go to the hospital to get another blood transfusion, but for me to do it right away he wanted me to stay over night. I was furious, there was no way I was going to stay the night there, I wouldn't have it. In fact I told the doctor no, he tried to reason with me and I was so set on going home after this appointment. I was so sick of hospitals by now that I just couldn't handle staying there with bad service and well staying the night at the hospital. Somehow he convinced me to go, but I remember how emotional my thoughts were I wanted so badly to punch this man in the face for making me go. At that moment I truly hated him for doing this to me. It was never his fault and he was only doing this to help me but at the time I wanted to believe he was just laughing in my face and tormenting me. When he left I cried for a few minutes and my mom and I walked out and went to the hospital like the doctor told us to.
When we got to the hospital I was really wanting my pain medicine the pain was tremendous! The nurse took away all my medicine I came with and asked for all my medical history just dragging on my pain. Her shift was over and we got a new nurse, this girl was young and obviously newer. She always needed some help from other trained nurses on how to give me my blood transfusion. They wouldn't even get me started till very late. It was a whole waiting game. Before they would give me my blood tranfusion they had to get a blood culture so they needed two sources of my blood. They had a hard time finding a good vein to get anything, I was pricked four times before they found one.
My left side of my face by that day was pretty swollen and I couldn't even see through my left eye. They were worried about it and wanted to get me into a CT scan to make sure everything was okay. It was getting later and later at night. At one point I went to go to the bathroom and suddenly I was hacking and wheezing and I accidently swallowed some of my saliva, which resulted in me having to puke and puke for a while. While I was in the bathroom puking people had come in with a wheelchair to get me to take me to the room to get my CT scan done at around 1:30 AM. They waited for me until I finally was able to come out. When we reached the CT room I was very nervous because if I layed back I was sure I would swallow more saliva and was going to puke all over myself in the middle of the scan. I was breathing really heavy when I got there. They were trying to get a good vein so they could give me the syrum. They couldn't do it on either of my arms. They wanted me to wait outside while they called their supervisor, who was someone they said can always get the vein on the first time. If that was true, why didn't they do that a while ago? They pricked me nine times before they found a good vein. while we waited I broke down, it was the darkest time of my life. At that moment I was in severe pain, I was very discouraged, sad, mad, and broken. I wanted everything to just be over I wanted normality! I remember talking about what Hell I was going through with my mom those few minutes. I was desperate for my medicine and wanted this moment to be over already. I finally got through my CT scan and got back to my room and eventually got my pain medicine and was able to breathe again. Around an hour later they started my blood transfusion through out the night. It was the longest night, I didn't get any sleep with them coming in to bug me almost every fifteen minutes. I was never so happy to be home when they released me. I will never forget that night.

Chemo Brain

It seemed as if everything was getting worse and I couldn't seem to catch a break, until I looked at the calendar. I was looking forward to June 22nd, which was my last day of radiation. When my sister took me to my appointment, I waited to take my medicine thinking it would be better to take it when we got there. Since I hadn't taken my medicine yet I was in pain and couldn't wait to take my medicine and finish this! When we got there, my sister tried to get my medicine through my feeding tube but it wasn't working. We tried and tried and it was just splashing everwhere, I was beginning to panic. I needed the medicine to get through this treatment not to mention the pain I was in.
We asked for some help from the nurses, they told me a trick of putting coca cola through my feeding tube to break apart what was clogging it. they also tried and tried and not even the coca cola was working. I had to replace my feeding tube, but I had no time before my treatment. I did not want to replace my feeding tube it was a horrible experience and I never wanted to do it again, I was afraid. By the time I calmed down I went in to do my last radiation treatment. As soon as I was in the mask I freaked out and started feeling really sick, how was I supposed to make it through this? Even fifteen minutes was going to be too long. Before they snapped me in I asked for them to take it off I needed to breathe and puke. They ran for the garbage can and I puked. I had to calm down again and finish this, my determination to finish was all I could think about then and I finally did it. I was still crying but I walked out and ran that bell! There is a bell that people can ring to say that they have finished radiation or there is a bell to ring if you have finished chemo. When I rang the bell I was also given some sparkling cider and a paper telling me I completed my radiation.
After I  finished I had to hurry over to the hospital to replace my feeding tube. Of course it was rough to get the next one as well, this time they told me that feeding tubes usually last three to four weeks, so really I would have no choice but to get a new feeding tube anyhow. The woman who did this feeding tube did it really fast, but put my new feeding tube in my left nostril this time, my left side of my nose was still tender and I was a bit unhappy about that. I still had my feeding tube in my right nostril when she started put my new feeding tube in, so of course I couldn't really breathe not to mention all my gagging again. When she attatched the feeding tube she finally took my old feeding tube out and I was on my way to go home.
My next chemo cycle was June 26th and something that many people don't understand unless you have chemo is chemo brain. Sometimes when I got chemo I would say things I don't remember. For example i had texted my friend Ashley that we should have a disney movie marathon. She had texted me back and she was coming over that night to come and watch the movies with me, but when she came over I don't remember any of that conversation but I was glad she was there. We watched one movie and the next one we started I fell asleep and she went home. I felt so bad that I had made plans that I didn't remember, but I felt worse that I fell asleep! I had many experiences like this through all my chemo. Drugs really make you do weird things, but this chemo brain made me stupid. Even to this day it affects me, I feel dumber than when I started highschool.

Family Support

As you now know, my hair was falling out and I was in a serious need of a shave. Let me start off by telling a little story. A few years back my sister Jamie was wanting to shave her head, but she wanted me to do it with her. Crazy right? Well if you know my sister that is just her personality. I never wanted to shave my head with her. I would complain about my hair to her and she would just say "then shave it!" I was wanting to grow my hair out longer and shaving my hair... well that wasn't going to happen. When I discovered that I was going to have chemo and lose my hair she wanted to shave her head as well in support, but she is married now and her husband said she can only do that if she shaved her baby boy's beautiful hair. So that wasn't going to happen. Later on she decided she was going to cut her hair and donate it to locks of love. My brothers Dallin and Jacob were also willing to shave their heads with me as well.

As I was going through more and more treatments it was getting harder on my throat, that even I had a hard time talking. I soon gave up swallowing other then small sips of  ice water. Everytime I would swallow my own saliva I would puke. I had to take medicine right before I went to my radiation appointments. Each day was harder for me to breathe, especially when they would snap me in the mask. I wasn't someone that would get very

claustrophobic , but now I am. Each and every day I was getting more sick, more tired, more pained. All my side effects were coming so fast and intense. My mouth was dry, my nose was dry, I was strating to swell. Things were not getting any easier, just getting worse. Jamie was taking me to my radiation appointments almost everyday. Those days I couldn't talk she knew and wanted to keep a conversation none the less and just talked to keep me upbeat, which I was very thankful for. Every morning someone from my ward would "babysit" me to make sure I was okay incase of an emergency. Then in the afternoon Jamie would come over with her son Tyler. The only things I really laughed at during these trying weeks were that little boy and watching The Ellen Degeneres show.

I was in so much pain in my throat that I was using hydrocodone every four hours! Even through the night I would text my mom to wake up and give me my medicine to stop the pain. Since I couldn't swallow I was given my liquid medicine through my feeding tube. Every hour I was in pain It felt like days of torment. I had my next chemo cycle on June 5th. When your going through chemo you tend to get really cold, so they always have warm blankets there, and when liquid keeps going through your body you always have to pee! Sometimes I had to wait for the bathroom.

I will never forget those people I met during chemo. There was one elderly lady who was the sweetest to me, always talked to me and was very sincere. When she finished with her chemo she gave me a bag load of hats to wear if I wanted. She also kept my spirits up. Though I mostly slept when I getting chemo. A week after my chemo I was getting worse with my blood counts, my doctor insisted I have an iron infusion as well as a blood transfusion. My mom was against me getting a blood transfusion for as long as possible, but my doctors were almost begging me to get it so we gave in. On June 13th I had my iron infusion, it looked like having automobile oil going into my body.

On the 14th I had my first blood transfusion at St. Marks hospital. The nurse that was working with me didn't look like she knew what she was doing, she didn't even know how to use a feeding tube so I could recieve my medicine. In fact, my mom gave me the medicine instead of her. All my life I thought my blood type was A negative but it was actually O negative. That day I didn't have anytime to get to my radiation treatment so I missed one day which prolonged the more days I would have to deal with it.