October 2012

On October 5^th, I had my last doctor appointment in Utah before I moved to Vegas. I was all smiles that day because I was feeling great and ready to get back out in the public fuzzy head and all. That weekend I was going to Vegas for the weekend again, it was also General Conference weekend. While I was at the new home in Vegas I got a text from my sister Jamie telling me that I could now serve a mission. WHAT? This was huge news for anyone who is LDS because now men could go on a mission as early as 18 and women could go when they reach 19. I had always said that if they ever changed the age for missions I would seriously consider going on a mission, but now the state that I am in I don’t know if they would even let me go until after my five year mark. I am still debating on going, but there is something that’s pulling me and telling me to not go…yet. I was screaming when I heard the news. I was upset, jealous, happy, jealous, anxious, oh and jealous! I know I still have time to think things over, but there is still a part of me that just wants to leave tomorrow and never come back. To live in service has always been a dream of mine, I’m not very good at it right now and I want to change that and a mission could help me achieve just that and more.
I started back to work the beginning of October. I’d like to say it was like it used to be, but it wasn’t. I wasn’t the supervisor anymore, sometimes it’s hard to see how easily I can be replaced even though I worked so hard to get there and always striving to be my best and having everything stripped away because I got sick. Most of my good friends were gone from the company and I was stuck having to start over as if I was new, but it was worse because most of my co-workers that had started new after I was on leave acted annoyed of my reappearance. This wasn’t where I belonged. Getting my social life was going to be something really hard to get back into.
 I did not expect things to be the same when I came back, but I also didn’t expect to feel like the underdog from my peers. No one really reached out to me and I was too scared to approach the people I didn’t know because of the stares I would get, so I clung to the few people who knew me and were friends with me.
I wanted a new start after everything so I thought I would move with my mom to Las Vegas on the 20^th. On October 19^th I had quit Ingram Medical after two years.